With 14 months has come walking, discovery and a whole realm of new challenges, mainly to do with managing no impulse control and encouraging obedience and self control! I have done my usual routine of freaking out and reading everything in sight to search for answers and now thought to get back to regularly blogging what i read that actually rings true in light of scripture so that i can read it again and again when i am tired, unsure and frustrated!
Mel Hayde's books, Terrific Toddler and Terrific Toddlers 2 have been so helpful.
Obedience
"Establishing our parental authority also involves training our children to obey us. Basically it will require abundant praise for compliance and a firm consequence for noncompliance...
Training is progressive.
You cannot expect obedience without first instructing your child in how to obey. This can and should be achieved in a gentle and loving manner.
... will unavoidably involve some conflict because our children desire to be self-governing and self-pleasing.
You must be consistent.
you must be able to follow through. if you are not able to follow through, then do not give an instruction in the first place. Ask yourself "Do I have the time right now to deal with a 'no' response?"
At first, be close to your child, not the other side of the room and simply call his name. When he has come to you, and you have full eye contact give a very short instruction. Use a firm, quiet voice and expect him to say "yes Mum" and obey.
give verbal praise. If he choose not to obey then say "oh no, that's a bad choice" (or similar) and walk your child through the required response with lots of verbal praise and affirmation.
As much as you can during these early training days try to base your instructions around activities your toddler enjoys. ... repeat this process maybe only a few times during the day at times when your toddler is fairly content.
By limiting the number of times you are expecting obedience you should experience a high success rate.
After you have consistently walked your child through this process for a short time (few days or a week) you can then apply a firm, immediate consequence for non-compliance.
reserve strongest consequences for disobedience and safety issues only. for all other behaviour use logical consequences.
During this time, treat the rest of the day when not training by simply taking your child where they need to be rather than asking for obedience. this will greatly reduce frustration."
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
6 Months old
I am finding that each age gets better and better! What a beautiful boy God has blessed me with.
Words that come to mind when I think of my son:
contented
joyful
happy
cheeky
intent
thoughtful
interested
alert
cuddly
placid
quiet
peaceful
He is no trouble and I am so grateful. He has come to a stage in the last few weeks of hardly crying at all... we go days and somethings a whole week before he grizzles about something.
The routine is suddenly starting to really pay off. He is getting near to the 2 up and 2 down for 6 months and it makes life so much better. Until the last few days he has been sleeping at least 2 sleep cycles per nap, even more sometimes. He does wake in the night at times, often when he is learning something, like crawling backwards, which is the latest thing! He woke at 4.30am this morning really hungry so perhaps he is having a growth spurt. It made me question how I have dropped the night feed since he was 5 3/4 months, but he can go without it. I will just up his quantity of solids and see what happens.
Jamison is taking in so much more, reaching for anything close to him, straining to get things just outside his reach and acting like a caterpillar in his sometimes frustrated attempts to crawl. He does mighty push ups on his now much stronger arms and pushes himself backwards gradually, much to his annoyance I think, as he is trying to get something in front of him!!
He giggles and laughs so much, often in response to other people's laughter. He watches me when i laugh at him and will join in. He seems very emotionally cluey at times.
He gives the most beautiful cuddles, especially when he has just got out of bed, twiddling with my hair at the base of my neck as we walk to the other room. Moments like these I will cherish always.
I am so thankful for this privilege to be Jamison's Mum.
Words that come to mind when I think of my son:
contented
joyful
happy
cheeky
intent
thoughtful
interested
alert
cuddly
placid
quiet
peaceful
He is no trouble and I am so grateful. He has come to a stage in the last few weeks of hardly crying at all... we go days and somethings a whole week before he grizzles about something.
The routine is suddenly starting to really pay off. He is getting near to the 2 up and 2 down for 6 months and it makes life so much better. Until the last few days he has been sleeping at least 2 sleep cycles per nap, even more sometimes. He does wake in the night at times, often when he is learning something, like crawling backwards, which is the latest thing! He woke at 4.30am this morning really hungry so perhaps he is having a growth spurt. It made me question how I have dropped the night feed since he was 5 3/4 months, but he can go without it. I will just up his quantity of solids and see what happens.
Jamison is taking in so much more, reaching for anything close to him, straining to get things just outside his reach and acting like a caterpillar in his sometimes frustrated attempts to crawl. He does mighty push ups on his now much stronger arms and pushes himself backwards gradually, much to his annoyance I think, as he is trying to get something in front of him!!
He giggles and laughs so much, often in response to other people's laughter. He watches me when i laugh at him and will join in. He seems very emotionally cluey at times.
He gives the most beautiful cuddles, especially when he has just got out of bed, twiddling with my hair at the base of my neck as we walk to the other room. Moments like these I will cherish always.
I am so thankful for this privilege to be Jamison's Mum.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Baby Diary: Week um....5.5 months =)
Wow, i haven't recorded much about my beautiful boy in a long time, but there is much change. This age is absolutely adorable, the best yet.
NURSING
Jamison is getting quicker while feeding. I thought he was off his food, but i think that he just requires less time. about 7 minutes one side and 5 the other if I am lucky. He has clamped down a couple of times and when I have said no sternly he has even started crying. Sensitivity is definitely developing!
We are well and truly established on solids now, after starting just before 5 months. We started on rice cereal and introduced pumpkin, then broccoli and zuchinni (yuck Mum) and carrot (yummy but makes me puke). Recently tried beans (yuck Mum) and apple and today rock melon and water melon which he loved to suck on. We have used strained prunes and prune juice (home made) mixed in the rice cereal to help with bowel movements. So far loving solid poohs and how they roll off the nappy into the toilet (yes, gross I know, but when you are a Mum you really appreciate small mercies like this!). It has been satisfying introducing home cooked solids and although it requires more effort, it isn't hard at all.
We have managed to dial back the late night feed to 8.45pm and I am hoping to have it back to much earlier and hopfully dropped by the end of the month in time for a wedding. not sure how successful that will be.
It is cute how when Jamison has clearly finished nursing (pulls away and flops back and looks around and is very stiff if pulled back towards the breast!) and is burped, he starts pursing his lips and making a kissing sound which I think is his way of saying 'solids' time!
NAPS
Naps have been varied lately. They were wonderful for a while with a week or two of at least 2 2hr naps each day, then they went to one if i am lucky, but the main difference has been that it is extremely unusual for Jamison to cry in his bed at any time. Never really when going down, and only sometimes when waking before falling asleep again. He will spend quite a bit of time talking in his cot and recently having fun rolling over. Now that we are back home from visiting Grandmas he is more settled and is having on average 2 1.5hr naps and one 45minutes, but always happily staying in bed until the next feed. Unless it is mummy's work day and that is a whole other story! He is waking contented most times which is wonderful to see, and the main aim.
WAKETIME LENGTH
Wake time lengths are at 1 hour and 45 minutes. He was managing only 1 hour and 35 for a while but seems better on longer now. The first wake time of the day is still the hardest to work out and often needs to be shorter. I am loving this more now as he doesn't have to spend as long in his bed if he doesn't sleep.
Jamison still doesn't have any time of day that he is unsettled or grumpy, a far cry from his early days. He is so contented and smiles the whole time he is awake.
NIGHTTIME
Jamison still wakes quite early sometimes after a couple of days here and there during his 4th month of waking about 3 or 4am. He doesn't do that anymore but can wake at about 5 or 5.30 and talk etc. most morning he wakes around 6 and is up by 6.30am. I have realised that waking is normal and it is best if I don't hear it so I don't get concerned!
MILESTONES
Jamison is reaching and sucking on his toes lots. He rolls over from his back to side and then to his front a lot now, particularly in bed!
He talks continually. Interestingly he is shy around lots of others and takes a while to warm up.
He is super duper alert!
He had his first tooth today (5.5 months). So cute.
WAKING HAPPY
Jamison wakes happy from most of his naps that are longer than one sleep cycle. Will flap hands and kick legs in excitement when he sees me and gets picked up. Will cry if he hasn’t had long enough occasionally, or has taken ages to resettle.
SWADDLING
We are still swaddling, yes back to that. Sleeping bags worked for a while, but then he just wakes and plays now. He is in a bag for night times only. I find he still needs his arms wrapped to get the message to go straight to sleep and he feels very secure in that. I'm not in any rush, although his rolling over is making it challenging as I have to keep checking on him. He normally unwraps his arms until loose and then rolls, but you can never be too careful.
OUR SCHEDULE
6.30am feed
8.10 bed
10.30am feed
12.15 bed
2.30pm feed
4.15 bed
6.30 feed
7.30 bed
8.45 dream feed
for a while i was waking him at 6pm for his feed to have an earlier bed time, but have changed this to allow him more wake time and hopefully sleep til later in the morning.
Monday, January 18, 2010
45 minute intruder: I give in
I need to write down what I have decided so that I can read it and remember what I have decided!
I have decided to “give in” to what Jamison needs rather than my agenda and ideas of perfection. Don’t misunderstand me; by “giving in” I don’t mean giving up or even letting him call the shots. What I mean is I finally am going to let go of my agonizing over the perfect nap (you know, longer than an hour) and have decided that if 45 minutes was all he needed per nap, that was fine. I put him down at my choice of time, not his, which I figured out by using sleepy cues, attitude/behavior cues, and common sense. He will stay in his crib until I decide naptime was over (which again, will be a reasonable amount of time). I will always give him an hour and a half to “sleep.” I presented the opportunity. Whether or not (or how much) he sleeps, the opportunity was there. I will assist him as much as I can.
What am I still learning from this?
Having kids that sleep well doesn’t make me a good mum, and being a good mum doesn’t mean I will have babies that sleep well.
I have decided to “give in” to what Jamison needs rather than my agenda and ideas of perfection. Don’t misunderstand me; by “giving in” I don’t mean giving up or even letting him call the shots. What I mean is I finally am going to let go of my agonizing over the perfect nap (you know, longer than an hour) and have decided that if 45 minutes was all he needed per nap, that was fine. I put him down at my choice of time, not his, which I figured out by using sleepy cues, attitude/behavior cues, and common sense. He will stay in his crib until I decide naptime was over (which again, will be a reasonable amount of time). I will always give him an hour and a half to “sleep.” I presented the opportunity. Whether or not (or how much) he sleeps, the opportunity was there. I will assist him as much as I can.
What am I still learning from this?
- I cannot make him sleep. I can only give him the best circumstances, good timing and judgement on my part, and not provide props that would make it difficult for him if I wasn’t there.
- How do I make good judgements, have good timing, and make wise decisions? Lots of practice, and more importantly, lots of errors. I am not going to be afraid to make mistakes. I am hoping that if I pay attention and still make mistakes that this will help me discover more about my baby.
- I can’t make him sleep, but I can help him learn to rest. Even laying/sitting in a crib is more relaxing than even sitting on the couch talking to me.
- When he won’t sleep, I can help him learn to be content. By waiting for him to get a happy heart (and until I get the chance) before I get him up from a nap, he’s learned to talk, play, and wait happily until it’s time to get up. I don't expect this to happen over night or without tears.
- I’m not going to feel guilty about not “rescuing” him immediately, not entertaining him, and about not being able to figure out why he naps or doesn’t nap.
- I need to be reminded that I’m human, I’m doing the best I know to do, and most likely this stage is giving me skills I need for other circumstances in life.
- Not sleeping well is not always a reflection of my parenting skills. Maybe since he doesn’t nap long, we will have lots of time to practice behavior and focusing skills. :)
- Sleep is just the beginning. I spend so much time worried about possible solutions and lack of long naps. But I know in my heart that it is not worth the stress. It may or may not (*gasp*) get better. And the better may be months down the road. But I will deal with it now, do the best with what I know, stick to my goals, seek guidance, and won't give up. Instead of letting the stress and worry eat me up and make me “obsessed,” (which, as my husband can probably testify to, I can be at times) let it make me better.
Having kids that sleep well doesn’t make me a good mum, and being a good mum doesn’t mean I will have babies that sleep well.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The heart of my approach
In reflecting on my goals as a parent, i have decided that apart from ultimately raising someone who loves and lives for Jesus, my goal is to raise them so that they are self controlled and to become independent of me. I are preparing him to be able to leave me someday and take care of himself and others.
Some parents out there seem to want their children to be very dependent on them. They don't want to let go and allow the child to grow up and function on his own. It is understandable in some respects. They love their child unconditionally and have sacrificed so much to care from them. However I think if you allow your child to grow up and move on, he will happily come around to visit more often, whereas if you cling to your child and mourn his every milestone, he will likely try to develop some space between the two of you so he can move on in his life.
This is one thing that really attracted me to Babywise in the first place. Babywise is about giving your child the tools to survive without you. The -wise books help you teach your child how to think for himself and how to make moral decisions. It helps you raise your child to be a functioning member of society who can contribute positively to the state of the world. It isn't about fulfilling your own desires for feeling needed. It isn't about indulging your child's every whim. It isn't about giving him an easy childhood free of difficulty or disappointment. It isn't about just having a routine that suits me.
I will God willing have Jamison under my roof for 18-20 years. He has a long life to live beyond that. I want to be sure that as I parent him, I am looking beyond today to help him learn skills for tomorrow. Keeping that long-term perspective.
Some parents out there seem to want their children to be very dependent on them. They don't want to let go and allow the child to grow up and function on his own. It is understandable in some respects. They love their child unconditionally and have sacrificed so much to care from them. However I think if you allow your child to grow up and move on, he will happily come around to visit more often, whereas if you cling to your child and mourn his every milestone, he will likely try to develop some space between the two of you so he can move on in his life.
This is one thing that really attracted me to Babywise in the first place. Babywise is about giving your child the tools to survive without you. The -wise books help you teach your child how to think for himself and how to make moral decisions. It helps you raise your child to be a functioning member of society who can contribute positively to the state of the world. It isn't about fulfilling your own desires for feeling needed. It isn't about indulging your child's every whim. It isn't about giving him an easy childhood free of difficulty or disappointment. It isn't about just having a routine that suits me.
I will God willing have Jamison under my roof for 18-20 years. He has a long life to live beyond that. I want to be sure that as I parent him, I am looking beyond today to help him learn skills for tomorrow. Keeping that long-term perspective.
Baby Diary: Week 17
NURSING
Feeding has been a breeze the last two weeks. Varies in how long he takes, but generally about 15 minutes all up. I took the plunge after umming and arrrring and have extended him to 3.75-4 hourly (see schedule). it seems to be working well and gives him longer to go through some sleep cycles. He loves to come off and look at me and talk. Also likes to thrash his arms and play with his face, my boob, arm and shirt!
I am hoping to start dialing back the dream feed by 15 minute increments soon.
NAPS
Naps have been mixed, some back to 45 minutes with crying at the end and some resettles. Average of one solid nap for 2 hours and the other two short ones. He is happy to be in his cot most of the time. After his 4 month vaccinations he has slept like a trooper - best side effect you could have!
WAKETIME LENGTH
Wake time lengths are at 1 hour and 20 minutes, sometimes 5 minutes more. He has fallen to sleep instantly some times when put down at this time, without any tired signs shown. He has taken to waking at just before 6am and making a sort of grunting noise until I go and get him. Hilarious, but it would be great if he waited until 6.30 at least! It looks like our 7am starts were a short lived thing.
NIGHTTIME
Beautiful sleeper throughout the night - not a peep until after 5.
MILESTONES
Jamison is now able to position toys in his mouth so he is actually sucking on them and not on his hand! He is holding toys with more coordination and both hands. He discovered how to talk and blow small bubbles so is doing that a lot! He also rolled over on his own from his back to his front, when he swung his legs to the side and then followed through.
He is laughing and giggling at his toys and especially when he is tickled or we pretend to eat him!
SWADDLING
I have experimented with using the sleeping bag instead of wrapping him, and he has transitioned fine. I think he appreciates not having his arms tucked in. I did worry about his arms getting cold, but he doesn't seem to. I did tuck a swaddling cloth over his arms a couple of times, but will never do that again after I went in to check on him one night and he had pulled the cloth up over his head and was stuck. So scary. Thank God it was muslin and I got there in time.
OUR SCHEDULE
6.30am feed
7.50 bed
10.15am feed
11.40 bed
2.00pm feed
3.20 bed
5.45pm feed
6.30 bath then bed
9.30 dream feed
OUTINGS/EVENTS
Vaccinations and visits to friends. We went out for dinner on Saturday night and although he was very good and slept in his pram, he was awake all the way home and settled well. Horrible the next day!
Feeding has been a breeze the last two weeks. Varies in how long he takes, but generally about 15 minutes all up. I took the plunge after umming and arrrring and have extended him to 3.75-4 hourly (see schedule). it seems to be working well and gives him longer to go through some sleep cycles. He loves to come off and look at me and talk. Also likes to thrash his arms and play with his face, my boob, arm and shirt!
I am hoping to start dialing back the dream feed by 15 minute increments soon.
NAPS
Naps have been mixed, some back to 45 minutes with crying at the end and some resettles. Average of one solid nap for 2 hours and the other two short ones. He is happy to be in his cot most of the time. After his 4 month vaccinations he has slept like a trooper - best side effect you could have!
WAKETIME LENGTH
Wake time lengths are at 1 hour and 20 minutes, sometimes 5 minutes more. He has fallen to sleep instantly some times when put down at this time, without any tired signs shown. He has taken to waking at just before 6am and making a sort of grunting noise until I go and get him. Hilarious, but it would be great if he waited until 6.30 at least! It looks like our 7am starts were a short lived thing.
NIGHTTIME
Beautiful sleeper throughout the night - not a peep until after 5.
MILESTONES
Jamison is now able to position toys in his mouth so he is actually sucking on them and not on his hand! He is holding toys with more coordination and both hands. He discovered how to talk and blow small bubbles so is doing that a lot! He also rolled over on his own from his back to his front, when he swung his legs to the side and then followed through.
He is laughing and giggling at his toys and especially when he is tickled or we pretend to eat him!
SWADDLING
I have experimented with using the sleeping bag instead of wrapping him, and he has transitioned fine. I think he appreciates not having his arms tucked in. I did worry about his arms getting cold, but he doesn't seem to. I did tuck a swaddling cloth over his arms a couple of times, but will never do that again after I went in to check on him one night and he had pulled the cloth up over his head and was stuck. So scary. Thank God it was muslin and I got there in time.
OUR SCHEDULE
6.30am feed
7.50 bed
10.15am feed
11.40 bed
2.00pm feed
3.20 bed
5.45pm feed
6.30 bath then bed
9.30 dream feed
OUTINGS/EVENTS
Vaccinations and visits to friends. We went out for dinner on Saturday night and although he was very good and slept in his pram, he was awake all the way home and settled well. Horrible the next day!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Just when you think you have got it sorted...
Well, today looks like it will be one that requires lots of patience and calm reflection on what has previously worked! Jamison has decided to wake at 2.5 hours and scream until I gave in and fed him at 3 hours. Here is me wanting to transition from 3.5 hours, and he wants to go backwards!!! I am hoping that it is because we have been pretty inconsistent lately since Christmas celebrations. I think I need to go back to my proven method of improving things of leaving him to rest and going in every 10 minutes if he is crying gustily. I am so tired today that I don't really have the stamina to deal with the crying, which I know doesn't help.
Thank goodness I can look back on worse times in Jamison's early weeks and know that phases are just that - phases. This will pass. I just so often doubt myself when things go wrong and I suppose that is unnecessarily placing blame on myself for something that is uncontrollable to a certain extent.
Well, here I go, with a prayer and a deep breath, knowing that all things are possible! =)
Thank goodness I can look back on worse times in Jamison's early weeks and know that phases are just that - phases. This will pass. I just so often doubt myself when things go wrong and I suppose that is unnecessarily placing blame on myself for something that is uncontrollable to a certain extent.
Well, here I go, with a prayer and a deep breath, knowing that all things are possible! =)
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