45 minute intruder: I give in

I need to write down what I have decided so that I can read it and remember what I have decided!

I have decided to “give in” to what Jamison needs rather than my agenda and ideas of perfection. Don’t misunderstand me; by “giving in” I don’t mean giving up or even letting him call the shots. What I mean is I finally am going to let go of my agonizing over the perfect nap (you know, longer than an hour) and have decided that if 45 minutes was all he needed per nap, that was fine. I put him down at my choice of time, not his, which I figured out by using sleepy cues, attitude/behavior cues, and common sense. He will stay in his crib until I decide naptime was over (which again, will be a reasonable amount of time). I will always give him an hour and a half to “sleep.” I presented the opportunity. Whether or not (or how much) he sleeps, the opportunity was there. I will assist him as much as I can.

What am I still learning from this?

1. I cannot make him sleep. I can only give him the best circumstances, good timing and judgement on my part, and not provide props that would make it difficult for him if I wasn’t there.
2. How do I make good judgements, have good timing, and make wise decisions? Lots of practice, and more importantly, lots of errors. I am not going to be afraid to make mistakes. I am hoping that if I pay attention and still make mistakes that this will help me discover more about my baby.
3. I can’t make him sleep, but I can help him learn to rest. Even laying/sitting in a crib is more relaxing than even sitting on the couch talking to me.
4. When he won’t sleep, I can help him learn to be content. By waiting for him to get a happy heart (and until I get the chance) before I get him up from a nap, he’s learned to talk, play, and wait happily until it’s time to get up. I don't expect this to happen over night or without tears.
   
5. I’m not going to feel guilty about not “rescuing” him immediately, not entertaining him, and about not being able to figure out why he naps or doesn’t nap.
6. I need to be reminded that I’m human, I’m doing the best I know to do, and most likely this stage is giving me skills I need for other circumstances in life.
7. Not sleeping well is not always a reflection of my parenting skills. Maybe since he doesn’t nap long, we will have lots of time to practice behavior and focusing skills. :)
8. Sleep is just the beginning. I spend so much time worried about possible solutions and lack of long naps. But I know in my heart that it is not worth the stress. It may or may not (*gasp*) get better. And the better may be months down the road. But I will deal with it now, do the best with what I know, stick to my goals, seek guidance, and won't give up. Instead of letting the stress and worry eat me up and make me “obsessed,” (which, as my husband can probably testify to, I can be at times) let it make me better.

Sleep isn’t my only goal in Jamison's life, and nor should I place that much importance on that one issue. It’s important, but not the only thing that is important. That may seem like an obvious statement. But I say that because though in my head I know that sleep isn’t the only important thing, I sure act like it sometimes. And I don't want to let rough naps take attention away from a precious time as a first time mum.

Having kids that sleep well doesn’t make me a good mum, and being a good mum doesn’t mean I will have babies that sleep well.