To Cry or Not to Cry

The definition of Crying It Out (or CIO) ranges from person to person. For some, it means putting baby in bed and walking away never to return until baby has slept or nap time is over. Harsh in my opinion. My understanding is that it is a method used to HELP your baby learn to fall asleep. It is not a formula or as straight forward as leave and let cry. That would be heartless. As I have come to know my son, the more I am able to judge if his cry is worth tending to or whether it would be in his best interest to leave him. There will always be occasions where 'rules' will be broken. The process I have used is to help a baby learn to sleep on their own, and the steps a person takes would need to vary from child to child. As a teacher, I learnt that all things are like this - one way does not suit all children, be it because of age, temperament or even the weather!!!!

THE GOAL
Your goal with CIO is for your child to learn to sleep on her own.

It is SO HARD to listen to your baby cry. It put me in tears so many times in the early weeks and I still have my day of tears, but not as frequent as I now know the benefits of this. Jamison went through a stage where for weeks he would wake up after 40-45 minutes of sleep every nap and cry on and off until I finally fed him. It was horrible and hard, but mainly because (as I realise in retrospect) that i was using different methods to calm him and was not consistent.

Don't confuse hard with wrong. There are a lot of things in life we have to do that are hard that bring about great benefits. We have to work out to be in shape. To have a clean house takes work. To be pregnant and labor to deliver a child is hard and takes work. The best things in life are hard to come by!

I think back to that transition week around 2 months where I implemented CIO and remember how hard it was but realize how beneficial it was! In the scheme of Jamison's life, it wasn't that long after all and the benefits were worth the heartache.

CIO EXPECTATIONS
Things are easier to deal with if you have a better idea of what to expect.

* It is hard. Listening to my baby cry is difficult. I have to remind myself that it is normal that it is hard, and that I can accept how difficult it is - I don't think that babywise paints a clear enough picture of this!
* Sticking with it makes it get easier. It was my chopping and changing of routines and methods that caused the choas in the first place!
* It can be a roller coaster. You will have difficult days interspersed with the good days for some time. My biggest break through was when I learnt to think that if Jamison sleeps longer than 45 minutes in any nap time then it is a bonus! But as time went on, the hard days got fewer and farther between. It is hard to accept, but Babies are constantly changing, and we can't expect something to continue working for too long until it needs to be tweaked!

BASIC RULES
Like I said, you will sometimes need to break rules, but here are some basic ones to follow.

* Be Consistent. If you are going to do CIO, I think you need to do CIO for every nap and for bedtime. Doing it at night or just for day time naps is not enough. All or nothing! I don't think you should do CIO at all if you aren't going to stick to it. I remember running to my husband, so stressed, when all I wanted to do was go in there after 1 minute of crying and had to have him remind me to hang in there and wait a bit. If a baby knows they will be "rescued" at some point, they will cry until they are.

Of course, there are times I break this rule. When he is sick, or we are out, or he is overstimulated, or it is a very hot day. These are times when i will do the extra measures to help him fall asleep.

* Be Home. I had to dedicate at least two weeks to staying home as much as possible and getting it worked out.

* Be respectful. If you know you are putting baby down too late, don't do it. The baby will just cry and never go to sleep and you will eventually get baby. That does not work toward meeting your goal.

* Check...or Don't. When doing CIO, I would check on Jamison at some point if he hadn’t gone to sleep. I can see over the cot without him seeing me. It took me a while to figure out Jamison's response to my coming in at different times. Sometimes I can go in there when he first starts crying and tighten the wrap and he will drift back off... other times he will become more awake and protest louder (this is usually when he wakes closer to the next feed!)I also worked out that Jamison would look out for me and not go to sleep if I went in too often.


* Set a Limit. Set a limit you can all deal with. If Jamison had not gone to sleep after 45 minutes I would go in and try to resettle. He always went to sleep initially without much trouble so this is only for the second cycle.


* Keep to the cycle. If Jamison hasn't slept much the last nap and I get him up to feed, I always keep him up for the normal amount of time so that the feed, wake, sleep cycle is still active and we are on track. This is especially important when sleep training.

* Adjust For Context. If baby has been sleeping well for weeks, and suddenly starts crying in the middle of a nap, that would be considered uncharacteristic, and I would go and see what is happening. If all is well and there is no obvious reason for the crying, then CIO if needed.

CIO TIPS

* Discover Optimal Waketime. Get to know the timing of your child's naps. The younger the baby, the more crucial it is to get them down at the right moment. As they get older, down-to-the-minute isn't as important, but get to know your child's cues. This is a hard thing and unfortunately can require some trial and error on your part. Your child should get tired around the same time, Jamison does around the hour mark so i watch him from then on.

If you are following cues and your baby still has a hard time falling asleep, you might need to ignore cues. Those cues might be "too late" cues rather than "just right" cues.

* Swaddle. If your baby will be swaddled, I would do that. Helps them to focus on falling asleep, not sucking or waving!

* Have a Routine. I like to sing the same tune every time once he is in bed. I also rock him briefly until I see him first get drowsy then pop him down. I be careful not to rock much as it can overstimulate babies.

* See the Connection. Overall, everything is connected. The better rested they are, the more awake they will be for eating, and the more they eat, the better they will sleep, and the more they are awake, the more tired they will be for sleeping.

CIO and FUSSY TIME
If your baby is crying because of colic or it is their fussy time of day, this is not the time to do CIO. If you need a break for sanity and need to put baby down for a few minutes, that is fine, but don't try to sleep train a baby who is crying for one of these reasons.

LOOKING BACK
this is my reflection on how Jamison did with CIO at 2 months. It always looks better now than when we did it, but it obviously worked.

* We started CIO at about 9 weeks of age.
* We did it after a time of constant going out and interrupted routine, pretty much since birth. We eventually decided we needed to be fair to him and dedicated to stay home and be consistent for at least a week or two.
* At first, he cried a lot. It was definitely a roller coaster experience in the beginning.
* Within days of starting, he went from waking at every nap after 45 minutes to having one or two if we were lucky that he would sleep through a bit longer.
* After five days, even despite the inconsistencies, he had really improved.
* Once we started being really consistent, he went to just basic fussing for a few minutes before some naps.
* now at nearly four months, if we have timed his wake times well (still working this out)he will go down with just a little grizzle and will sleep up to 2.5 hours and at least 1.5 hours for every nap (with a couple of days where one nap is only 45 minutes long). I consider this wonderful!

Hang in there; just know it gets better. I believe it is best for my baby, but that is obvious because I do it. Do what you think is best for your baby because you are his mum and no one will know better than you do. Have someone to support you through it. That is the only way I coped.